The Ballad of the Toothsome Stranger
By Sir Pádraig
It was late Friday evening, of that I am sure
And a stroll I was taking along the lake shore
Tin whistle in hand, I was acting the fool
When over the hill I heard laughter most cruel
The silence was pierced by a young woman's cry
As up to the top of the hummock sped I
Reaching the crest of the rise I made pause
To see what had happened, and what the threat was
A young lass stood immobile, another was sprawled
On the ground, but the cause was no ordinary fall
A young man stood leering, leather jacket and chain
Decorations made his outlook clear, in the main
I whipped my shillelagh from out of my belt
And gave voice to a cry, running at him full-pelt
With a short length of chain he came on for a meeting
And I laughed as my stick rapped his shins for a greeting
He howled and swung wildly, with strength but no grace
I ducked and then drove my stick full in his face
He paused as I spun to stay out of his reach
His hand came to his mouth, and he felt at his teeth
It came away stained, for the wound it had bled
And he howled once again then he up and he fled
On the ground where he'd stood was a glint and in truth
I looked closer and there was this gigantic tooth
I picked up the tooth and I turned to the ladies
I swear they looked like they'd just come back from Hades
One of them was quite chatty and one like a mouse
And I walked them both home for they shared the one house
They wanted me there overnight, they were certain
For the rest of the night, I'll draw over a curtain
In the morning we spoke of the brute and his tooth
The strangest encounter I've had since my youth
To see it in daylight and strip truth from fable
We went down where I'd left it last night on the table
But there on the table I swear there was just
The gleam of the sun on a small pile of dust.